She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I would ride that face into the sunset
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
