Duck Duck Cougar?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Mom said you looked used
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
