Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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