The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
