what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
