And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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