Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you have feelings for this penis?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
