I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
