The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
