it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
