I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
