Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
