SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
