I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
