Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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