just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
