i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
