the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
