that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There are leaves in my underwear?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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