i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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