wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
