i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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