You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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