If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
