Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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