woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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