Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
