Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize