My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
