i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
