Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
