Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
