guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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