i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So vagazzling was a success
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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