The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
