So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
