He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You smell like stripper and shame
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
