we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
