he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
honey bunches of taint.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
