He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
