that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
