Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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