if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
