If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
