I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
