That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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