After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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