Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
