Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
