Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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